I’ve spent quite a lot of time thinking about why we’re so attached to our opinions.
Which, when you think about it, is a slightly strange thing to become opinionated about.
😂
But the more I explored it, the more I wondered why changing our minds can feel like such a big deal.
After all, if I’ve learnt something new, wouldn’t it be rather odd to insist on continuing to think exactly what I thought before?
And yet, it’s surprisingly easy to become so invested in being right that we stop being curious about whether we actually are.
Learning to Watch My Own Thoughts#
A few years ago, while exploring these ideas through philosophy, a psychiatrist introduced me to a particularly useful way of observing my thoughts.
The idea wasn’t entirely new to me, but his explanation stuck.
Imagine sitting on a beach.
As thoughts, feelings, and opinions appear in your mind, picture them drifting out in front of you and falling into the water.
You don’t have to grab each one.
You don’t have to react immediately.
You can simply notice it.
And decide whether it needs your attention.
The more I practised, the more I realised I didn’t have to defend every thought just because I’d had it.
Which brings me to an unexpected development.
Apparently, My Ego Needed Professional Development#
It turns out my ego had been operating under the assumption that every disagreement required an immediate defensive response.
So we arranged some training.
Course: Being Wrong Without Making It Everyone Else’s Problem.
Assessment: Can we change our mind without filing an incident report?
Fortunately, the training appears to have worked. 😂
I became less concerned about how I was perceived and more interested in understanding what was actually happening.
That made me better at solving problems, particularly in projects where circumstances change, and new information constantly appears.
Because the project doesn’t particularly care whether my ego has been bruised.
It would quite like the problem solved though.
Changing Your Mind Isn’t the Objective#
Of course, this doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone.
Understanding another perspective doesn’t mean you have to agree with it.
Sometimes you listen, consider the evidence, and decide your original position still makes sense.
That’s fine too.
The point isn’t to change your mind as often as possible.
It’s to leave room for the possibility that you might need to.
When you’re not so busy defending what you think, you have more room to discover what’s actually happening.
Sometimes you discover you were wrong.
Sometimes you discover you were right.
And sometimes you discover the situation was more complicated than either of you realised.
Personally, I find that last one particularly interesting.
An Unexpected Kind of Confidence#
What surprised me most was that becoming less attached to my opinions actually made me more confident.
I can have an opinion without needing it to become part of my identity.
I can make a decision without pretending I have perfect information.
And I can change my mind without feeling as though I’ve lost something.
Because I haven’t.
I’ve learnt something.
And as for my ego?
It’s discovered that being adaptable is considerably more comfortable than being rigid.
Its latest performance review was excellent.
Development area: Still occasionally insists on being right.
Overall rating: Exceeds expectations. 😂
Which brings me back to something I’ve come to appreciate.
Changing your mind isn’t evidence that your original thinking was weak. Sometimes it’s evidence that your thinking is still working.
Originally published on LinkedIn.